(This post has been written by a guest blogger who wishes to be anonymous)
Where do I start? There is so much to say, and so much to ask, I feel tired already. Sigh! Now, I remember the words – I remember them very well, those were the last words you told me, what was that? Oh, I remember! ‘You don’t love me anymore’, yeah, that’s just about it. Perfect! Love has been defined and described by many, but the feeling, it’s priceless and doesn’t need a definition, perhaps in our case, it doesn’t. Let me start from telling you how I feel right now, and why I’m writing this letter –which I don’t want you to read; obvious reasons, aren’t they? Oh, yes, they are.
Missing you isn’t what I am fond of doing; I’ve become habituated to it. This heart, this exhausted heart needs a refreshment; a desperate one. I know a bit about missing a person, I do! How do I put it, now? We say we miss a person when the memories come back to haunt us, or the couples around us give us Goosebumps; or when we see our love’s display picture with some else, this is better –stating this as the age of facebook, this is better. That’s not missing someone, that’s not even close. I’d tell you what missing a person is, it’s when you are surrounded with people; especially people you want to be with, even in their company you miss the spark in your life –and you seek for something, probably someone to lighten up the room and bring back those glorious days. Every lover has very high regards for the days he spends with his love; perhaps they are the best days of their lives. Missing someone is actually the helpless feeling you get when you know; you know you are one step away from that person and still can’t take that step, because you are paralyzed. Paralysis in love is a beautiful feeling, it’s unique. We sit near the door, waiting for them to return, but we know they won’t. We keep staring at their pictures, reliving the days spent with them; again knowing those days won’t come back. That’s what missing someone is about.
Helplessness is about missing someone. We build castles of love in our imaginations, and our heart ceases to grow fond of the idea of their absence. We in turn, learn to fall in love with their absence. Absence has a different high, I tell you it does. The birds hopping near the park, they remind you of time you used to blabber about the birds with; who else, come on, I’m talking serious here! You see the people smiling and talking about their lives, and you are taken aback by the love you have for the one in your heart. Only a lucky girl gets to be the part of a man’s imagination of his future, and only a lucky guy gets to be the part of a girl’s secret. Both of them are different, the beauty of both, are unique. You see the raindrops falling from the sky, on your window pane and you take your steps towards the pane to touch one of the drops; suddenly you stop and touch your tears –it breaks you down, tear to tear.
There are people around you, who are happy with their lovers and you curse yourself for being so attached to that one person you truly love. But the curse doesn’t last for long, as the proud feeling of loving someone with all your might wins over the feelings of despair and grief. Again, missing someone isn’t about the desire to be in their company, it’s about feeling the absence even in their presence; it’s confusing, let me explain. We miss them even when they are with us, at times; that happens, because we know they won’t be with us the next day, or the day after and we can cherish only these little moments to keep the seed of love alive, and watch it turn into a flow, day by day. We want their company forever, forever is a very long time; but with love, it’s passes in the blink of an eye.
I miss you, and that’s the reason I’m writing this letter, to tell you how madly I’m in love with the idea of loving you. The reality of the fiction that I live in your absence, seems more enhancing than the lie of reality I’d live in your presence. Let me put it short, if ever, you want to take a step back; I’d be waiting at the same place where you left.
I love you.